I just walked in, drenched from my very first, unexpected, “Insanity” workout. You see, I walked into the gym this morning, expecting the regular Wednesday circuit class, and the gym decided to change the schedule for the fall, and replace it with an “Insanity” class. “Are you kidding me!!??”
As Eliza began to show us the moves we would be doing, explaining the modifications, I could feel my jaw tighten… doubt and anger were creeping in, and an overwhelming fear came over me. The nonsense going on in my head was already insane….”I can’t do this, why are they changing things, I’m going to hurt myself, I’ve seen this on commercials, and those people are in amazing shape and so strong, and I’m not like them, I’m not going to be able to keep up with everyone, my body can’t do these crazy moves and jumps over and over again, I’m not going to like this at all”….
I’m usually one of the people who smile and laugh and encourage others in a class, and during this one, I couldn’t even speak. I was fighting all the doubts and fears in my head, and then part way through the work out, I found myself praying really hard to just get through it. It took a while, but I found a way to grab onto my favorite verse, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens Me”. So, in sync with the moves, I just repeated these words in my head over and over again…through football sprints, spiderman planks, jump squats, mountain climbers….
At the end of the class, while we were stretching, tears just rolled down my face along with the sweat pouring off of me. Eliza encouraged us all, saying, “you guys did great! This is really hard. It’s really hard-but really good.” Others were commenting that it was really hard but a really good workout, yet, my head was still spinning, and I was still trying to deal with all of the emotions. I hadn’t cried at the end of a workout in a very long time. I think the anger and worry was being released, but so was the realization that I had just gotten through, and accomplished, “The Insanity Workout”… The one I had seen on tv so many times, while sitting on the couch, wondering if I could ever do it, but talking myself out of ever wanting to try. Well, I JUST DID IT.
While still stuck in my very unusual quietness, Eliza finally asked, “Wendy, you’re really quiet, what did you think?” I tried to put into words a huge thing I realized about myself during that workout. Then I answered her… “I realize that I hate what I fear. I hate the unknown. I found myself so angry and worry of change, fear and worry of…what if?…What if I can’t do it, what if I can’t keep up, what if I hate it? What if I hurt myself?” And then I was angry with myself for being angry, and for having doubt.”
I had to find every ounce of courage, along with praying and saying that verse over and over again, to fight my way through this class. At certain times this morning, there were other moments from this weight loss journey that flashed through my memory, …. other times I had to fight through many “firsts”…..the time I cried on turf at “Unleash the Champion” after accomplishing a 2 minute plank at the end of a long workout,the day I got through my first spinning class, ran my first 5 mile Turkey Trot without stopping…..
The emotion that pours out of you when you accomplish things you once dreamed of, or may never have even dreamed of, is such an overwhelming feeling. And the most important thing it does….it gives you a renewed hope to believe that you can do more…. that you can dream even bigger dreams, and take the steps to accomplish them. Hope changes everything.
The hardest part that I have to begin to realize, is that these moments seem to happen when I am brought completely out of my comfort zone. I am brought to the edge of the unknown, which is a place where I get overwhelmed in fear, anger, despair, worry, disappointment…and I now have a choice. I can stay completely frozen in all of this and choose to retreat and head back out the door, go home and never try….or I can join those around me, and try it together, and trust the ones who are leading…encouraging one another along the way, and then celebrate the accomplishments together…dreaming bigger dreams together.
I had recently been praying and asking God to show me what I need to do to break through this plateau I have been stuck at for a while with the weight loss…I am 15 pounds away from my goal. I’ve been eating the same great foods, staying within my points, working out 5 days a week at the gym, moving on the weekend, and the weight just isn’t budging. It’s funny, but one definition of “insanity” is doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result….And although all of the good things I have been doing have worked in losing about 95 pounds, it’s not working anymore. It’s time to change things up a bit. So, maybe this new “insanity” workout this morning was answer to prayer. Although it took me totally off guard this morning, it might just be the answer to my insane plateau.
Nobody wants to stay in a place of insanity, I certainly don’t. So, I looked up the opposite of “insanity” and found the words that I truly wanted to aspire to, to describe my life and myself……balanced, calm, reasonable, rational, intelligent, sensible, well, healthy. Who would have ever thought that an hour of “Insanity” experienced at Power Ten Fitness gym this morning would teach me so much today.
I believe we all have gifts and talents that we were uniquely blessed with, that we are to use to serve and impact the lives of others. One of my greatest joys is passing on the wisdom I have learned in this weight loss journey to others, so that they can come to a place of believing and seeing that they can do this also. I believe we change this world, one heart at a time. I have been praying and asking God to show me where I am suppose to serve and work, as I am looking for my next job/purpose in life. A close friend of mine, who has been praying for me to find my next job sent me this in my email this morning…
What perfect timing! Praying that I can come to a complete trust in God…in, and especially out of my comfort zones, so that He can use me, and my life to serve and change the world, one person at a time! That would be insanely awesome!!!